Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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