she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize