if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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