Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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