Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
