Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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