Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
