Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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