things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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