Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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