I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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