Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
