My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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