the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize