Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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