So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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