Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize