i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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