I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
