How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
