I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
porn star boner night. come get it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
