The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
