The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
