it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
