it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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