Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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