I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
