I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
