The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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