making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
