Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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