he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
