Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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