I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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