I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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