forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
