not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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