we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
