he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
