I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
