you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
