a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
