I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
