Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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