I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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