Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
