If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
