The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
