can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
