I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
