if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
