I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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