i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
