I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
