I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
