No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
