im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
