well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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