Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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