I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
