i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
