batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize