Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
