dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
