cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
