Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
