is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
