Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I die, sorry about rent.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
