When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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