office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
