His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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