sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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