ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
