My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
