i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
