You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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