i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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