He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
