I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
