I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
