My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize